Welcome Back, Welcome Back, Welcome Back...

Yoooo...It feels good to be back. Not a hundred percent sure why I lwft in the first place. But I guess first thing's first. The Western Conference Arms Race. And yes that was my term first, so fuck anybody on ESPN who feels original stealing my shit...Chris Sheridan.

Pau! I mean what more is there to say. And I know I'm late on this, but if you've watched an Laker games, Pau fits into the triangle like no big man we've ever seen. Honestly think about Phil and the triangle, and big men, and you come up with memories of Bill Cartwright, Luc Longley, Bison Dele, and at it's best, Shaq. So okay, this uber-young Andrew Bynum fits right in there. But what happens when you add Pau? A seven-footer who naturally plays the 4, he can shoot out to 20 ft., handles the ball, and can pass as well as any big man in the game. And he's your 4.

Understand this, the triangle was made for a Russell/Wilt type big man. Now plug in Pau and Bynum.

Understand this, the triangle was perfected by an unstoppable guard. AKA Micahael Jordan. Now plug in Kobe.

SAN ANTONE...

Anybody remember back to 04-05? It was the Spurs first post-Robinson Championship, and it was obvious that Manu was tired of being shitted on by Kobe. Manu made the same leap in 04-05 as Parker made last year. Think about it. Remember how that Manu was shittin on cats, dunkin all over the place? Except now it's '08 and Manu is playing like '05 Playoff Ginobili. Plus Kurt Thomas is sweet As a Laker fan, the Spurs are the only team that scare me. They actually have players to matchup with Pau, Bynum and Kobe. Lamar will be the difference, one way or another.

NOLA...

Anybody remember what Bonzi did to the Spurs two years ago in Sacto? Bowen couldn't guard him. Manu couldn't guard him. And Duncan wasn't even interested in trying. Well the team with the best record in the West just got Bonzi, plus Mike James who was on that championship Piston team. If I were a Spurs fan I'd be scared. As a Laker fan I have four words. Kobe, Odom, Pau, Bynum.

PHX...

Believe it or not, I like the Shaq deal. Understand he's never gonna be Laker Shaq again. But Shaq is still Shaq. Just like grant Hill will never be Detroit Grant Hill, but he's still Grant Hill, when healthy. Over the course of a 7 game series can Shaq win one game? Can Grant? Can Nash? Can Amare? Well yeah, that's 4 games...

Fuck Dallas!

And that's on the real. That's a bitch ass team, and it all starts with Dirk. Kidd ain't gonna change Dirk. So that team is stil screwed. Period.

Fuck T-Mac!

For real! He's on some real Garnett shit. Mr. Hollow Numbers can't carry a team. And Yao is his protege. And Rick Adelman! Ha! Van Gundy is rolling in his grave. Win a series then hit me back.

Utah...

is actually sweet. I like that team. They don't scare the Lakers or Spurs, but they can beat everybody else. In the East, they'd make it to the Finals.

Denver...

The Nuggets just plain suck. Nobody is scared of them, and they aren't getting out of the first round. Period.

NBA Wrap

No pics, no vids. Just a wrap on NBA, at least til the draft in a couple weeks.

SPURS ARE THE SHIT. PERIOD. Lots of talk out there about if they are a legit dynasty or not, or if they need to repeat. I say this: 4 ring in nine years. Right now Larry Bird is jealous of Tim Duncan. As is Kobe. Shaq is rocking himself to sleep with whispers of MDE. Magic, MJ, and Pip are hearing foot steps.

LEBRON SHOULDA WENT TO SCHOOL. Yeah, and then you're gonna say, but he's only 22! Then I'm gonna ask you did you see him getting schooled? This isn't the easy anymore, Toto. One good player can win the East. But that shit don't run in the West. Ask Kobe. What was especially weak, though, was that Bron showed no real 48 minute soul. AI took one from the Lakers. Kidd never took games from the Lakes and Spurs. Hell, Wade held Shaq's hand and personally shitted on Dirk. But in '07 where was Lebron?

Lakers are fucked. #1 do not overpay for O'neal. You can move Odom for him, but not Odom and Bynum. Move Bynum for Artest. Radmonovic for Bonzi Wells. Sign Kapono for the money you were gonna give to Luke. Either draft a point or trade it for Duhon. I'd love to see a starting 5 of Duhon, Kobe, Artest, Odom, Kwame. That's a defensive 5 for that ass. Plus everybody but Kwame is a threat. Then you bring Kapono, Cook, Farmar, Turiaf, and Mo Evans off the bench. That's a hardcore team that can bang with the likes of Dallas, Phx, and San Antone.

The Case for Portland

Being the unabashed Kobe fan that I am, I have to admit that now I'm scared. I mean last offseason I was scared thinking that the Lakes barely made the playoffs and would have to spend '07 dealing with healthy Utah, Houston, and a freshly seasoned New Orleans to make the playoffs. I prayed for major improvements. None came. But luckily the faithful old Clips and Kings fell off and Kobe was able to drag those other guys into the playoffs. This offseason, though, is monumental for the Kobe era. Why well let's look at the West.

LOCKED IN:
1.San Antonio
2.Phoenix
3.Dallas
4.Utah
5.Houston
6.Denver

These six teams are locked in unless Bonzi Wells losses it and kills some people. That only leaves TWO spots left with 9 teams to go. That's worse odds than Jerry West had for the #1 pick and we all know what happened there. Speaking of the Grizz, let's eliminate them right now.

LOCKED OUT:
13.Minnesota
14.Sacramento
15.Memphis

Yes, these teams all suck donkey dick and have absolutely zero chance of posteseason life next year. Basically all 3 squads are fodder for the rest of the league to scavenge decent players from. Minus these 3 losers brings us down to SIX teams vying for those TWO spots.

THE CONTENDERS:
7.Lakers
8.Golden State
9.Clippers
10.Portland
11.Seattle
12.New Orleans

Golden State, Seattle, and the Clippers really don't scare me. They have amassed a lot of talent, but are poor teams, which means they are capable of incredibly hot streaks, but over the course of 82 games I'm taking Kobe. New Orleans has slowly put together a winner adn barring major injuries again this year I fully expect them to make the playoffs. That leaves only Portland in the way of my guy 24 seeing the postseason. And frankly that scares me. Here's why:

exhibit A: The Twin Towers
Portland will draft Greg Oden. They have to. The opportunity to pair Oden with Aldridge has devastating possibilities. There's only been two real Twin Tower scenarios in my lifetime and they both were wildly successful. The obvious one is Duncan/Robinson. Both were natural shotblockers and rebounders who could run the floor. The were an impossible matchup, and the fact that both guys could post or face up meant that they dominated both sides of the floor from freethow to baseline. They immediately won a championship. The other set was Olajuwon/Sampson. Don't laugh. You have to understand, Ralph's knees only allowed him to play 3.5 real seasons of basketball, and he was matched up with Hakeen for only 2.5 of those years. Ralph Sampson was KG before there was a KG, except he was 7-4. For the 2 full seasons the twin towers were together they combined to average 42.5 points, 22.4 boards, 4.8 blocks, and 2.8 steals. Even Wilt respects those numbers! And to top it off, the Rockets won 99 games over those two seasons. Get this, the Lakers went to all 10 Western Conference Championships in the 80's, and only lost 2. One of those loses was a 4-1 embarassment at the hands of Olajuwon and Sampson. Only Larry Bird, having the greatest season of his career (not to mention Parrish and McHale), stopped Houston from bringing home the gold cup.

Bottomline: Towers win. And yes! Those are the Ralph Sampson Puma LE's. Check the signature.


exhibit B: Bigs Win!
A quick chart for those of you swearing up and down that Jordan turned it into a guard's league.

Recent NBA Champions
2006:Shaq
2005:Duncan
2004:Pistons (ok, fair argument here, even though Shaq was present)
2003:Duncan
2002:Shaq
2001:Shaq
2000:Shaq
1999:Duncan

Bottomline: You wanna be on espn, go small. You want to win rings, go BIG!


exhibit C: The Youth Movement
Greg Oden is about to change the whole Portland basketball culture. Originally the blueprint was to build around Z-Bo Randolph and D.Miles. But this past season's draft heists of Aldridge and Roy opened Blazer eyes to a new path. Oden represents the final brick in that path. The Blazers can now begin a true youth movement led by the Roy and the Twin Towers version 3.0. That triumvirate takes the pressure off of every other young Blazer Jarret Jack, Sergio Rodriguez, Martell Webster, Travis Outlaw, and Ime Udoka. Instead of searching to see how these gusy can fit, there are very defined roles to fill: ball handler, defender, outside shooter. It's always easier to do your job when you know exactly what it is you have to do. These guys will now have the oppurtunity to excel. Plus this gives the Blazers major leverage to trade both Z-Bo and Miles for better fits. With the major pieces for the movement in place Portland brass can feel free to move those guys for less than market value so long as they bring veteran, character guys to help the youngens out. It's a seller's market in Portland.

Bottomline: With a couple of smart trade moves to go along with the Oden pick, the Blazers could make the playoffs. And that scares the shit out of me. Somebody call the Logo. Kobe needs some help!

BlackBalled? L.A. Lakers

Jerry West please come back! Honestly I need this guy in my life. Up until about 9 years ago I was a die-hard Clipper fan. My eyes still tear up remembering the wonderful years of Ron Harper, Danny Manning, Charles Smith, Ken Norman, Loy Vaught, Benoit Benjamin, Olden Polynice, shit I could go on all day. But here's the point, the current Lakers remind me of those teams with one major exception: Kobe. Kobe is the guy who transformed my youthful love of the Clips over to the darkside fandom of the Lakers. And just like those old Clips, these Lakers are loveable losers, except for Kobe. 24 is a force of nature that rapes and pillages small towns, literally! And I love him for it. Cause if I could I'd be doing the same shit! So what both Kobe and the D.I.G. need is the return of Jerry West. The Logo is kinda like Obi Wan Kenobe but better cause he partied with Wilt Chamberlain. With that said, I have to consider perhaps I am just overly distraught by the ball slap Phoenix just laid on my guys. But I can't help but be hurt seeing Golden State, a fellow Cali team, running around with their balls dangling all over Dirk's chin, while my guys sit in a corner waiting for their testes to drop. Believe it or not I actually cheered the Suns a little bit in hopes that they killed us quickly do I didn't have to be punished by the likes of Kwame and Smush any longer. Now I can actually enjoy the rest of the playoffs.
Even though the Logo will be in my dreams.

Typsy Tyrants: You really need to get of Jerry West's nuts. What they need to do is sell the whole team for KG. doesn't take a genius to know that.

D.I.G.: I would blow Rosie O'Donnell if it brought KG to the L.A.

Typsy Tryants: Honestly the biggest mistake wasnt taking Odom,Caron, Chucky Atkins for Shaq it was letting Caron and Chucky go for bums like Smush and Kwame. Not to mention drafting complete idiots. Kupchak is the reason for all this and no other person.

D.I.G.: Agreed, that's why I'm having wet dreams about Jerry West. Plus there's no way in hell Jerry would have traded Shaq and not gotten Wade as part of the deal.

Typsy Tyrants: Well West will be a consultant and people fail to believe Lakers can get anything but they have two 1st round picks and Mihm's expiring contract, Kwame, Odom, and plus the rest of the bums to trade. So i guess the Guru of trades can pull of a megadeal of some sort or at least some hogs that wont get ballslapped nightly.

D.I.G.: For sure they have the flexibility to make a something big happen. But Mitch can't be pulling the strings. I mean how do you move Shaq for Odom, Butler, and Brian Grant. Then move Butler and Chucky Atkins for Kwame, and do nothing with Grant's expiring contract. So basically he's traded Shaq, Caron, and Chucky Atkins for Lamar and Kwame. Ouch. I'm moving to Oakland.

Typsy Tyrants: Man this yr killed my soul if I gotta watch one more game with a Smush, Cook, or any type of bullshit name i'm officially movin on to greener pastures. But still got love for the man KOBE. True MVP.

D.I.G.: So here's the queston: Have the Lakers fallen to Nowitzki status and earned a spot on the
black list?

Typsy Tyrant: I must say its official. Until further notice.