Tuesday, May 22, 2007

I'll call him Mini Me!

Did you guys catch Lebron pulling a classic v.i.n.c.e.? (I spell his name out because I, much like Mr. Carter, can't seem to put it all together) I mean in crunch time v.i. has 3 go-to moves.

1) Get rid of the ball A.S.A.P!
2)Dribble for as long as possible and then turn it over and blame the refs
3)Pull up for the deep j

For Derek Fisher, this is a reasonable list of options. For a guy who has no qualms with dunking on his own mom, these options are not acceptable. Yet and still, that is the extent of v.i.n.c.e.'s repertoire. And Lebron thinks that shit is hot! Back in 2000 v.i.n.c.e. got swept out of the playoffs by a rowdy, post-Ewing Knick team. In game 2 of that series v.i.n.c.e. had the last shot and a chance to win the game for his guys and here's what he said:

"I was feeling confident, but looking out of the corner of my eye, Dee was wide open," Carter said. "He's a great shooter, and you take your chances."

Lebron after game 1 vs. the Pistons:

"You just have to take what's there, It's not about taking a high volume of shots, it's about trying to win the basketball game. We had an opportunity to win...The winning play when two guys come at you and a teammate is open is to give it up. It's as simple as that."

Now here's Latrell Sprewell in that same game 2 vs. v.i.n.c.e.:

"I wasn't settling for the jumper. I was going to the basket."

Spree hit the game winner and swept that series. Then continued on to lead the seriously undermanned Knicks to the Finals. Yep, the same Spree who took KG's no-winning ass to the West finals. The big difference between Spree and v.i.n.c.e./Lebron is that Spree just never gave a fuck. He was in it to win it. Anybody talking anything else was liable to get choked. For Real. Lebron gives too much of a fuck. He thinks about Nike and Sprite and David Stern and what the media is gonna talk about tomorrow. So sure, he was ready to throw out quotes about the 'winning play' but he wasn't playing to win.

The Pistons left Donyell open for a reason. "If he makes the pass and they score we'll live with it," says Rip Hamilton. Umm, I think the Pistons have won a lil bit in this league, so if you're playing against them, then you probably don't want to just take what they're giving you. Unless you like boots up the ass.

v.i.n.c.e. has proven time and time again that anal stimulation is the only thing that moves him. If you don't remember, after getting swept in '00 by the Knicks, Charles Oakley spent the summer reaming v.i.n.c.e in the media. The next year v.i.n.c.e. actually pulled a Lebron and played really hard for 10 games, before heading back to UNC for graduation, and then choking off the series with option 3 (see chart above). After that season Oakley, and his array of anal stimulators, was jettisoned and we know how hard v.i.n.c.e. has worked since then. It's just a shame that Lebron is such a fan.

No comments: